dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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