just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
