He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
