She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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