I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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