WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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