oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
