I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
