I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
