Betty ford says i'm here all night
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
