forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
