I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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