he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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