I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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