Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
