the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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