I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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