Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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