I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
