We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
