We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
