So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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