people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
