Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
