Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
