Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
