somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
