is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
