what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
