your parents love me but you hate me
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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