Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
