just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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