sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
