Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
