I just cut my nipple shaving
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
