Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
