I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
