I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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