Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
