end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
