i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
