btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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