If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
