I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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