WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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