You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
