"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
