I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I FOUND THE LEGS
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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