areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
