Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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