giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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