So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
