I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
