question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
